Somedays it's just too hard.

I just dropped a once again very teary Elliot off at school. I have to say that I would rather have a week chock full of back-to-back root canals, gynecological exams and immigration interrogations at the UK border than to watch one of my children work through emotional pain. Elliot is sorting through some sort of emotional anxiety right now or fighting off an illness, probably both. I kept him home yesterday, but today he just isn't "not well" enough to stay home. To make it worse for me to watch he is just working so hard, telling me his "worries are too big, Mom" and trying to hold it together using every technique he has ever learned. I now have a back full of spasms after internalizing all of my own fretting for him, outwardly doing my best to be an emotional guide of calm, reassurance and warmth. Giving the cuddles and talks when needed but also the space to go through what I know he has to do primarily on his own with his wonderful teachers. So, Quinton & I will have a quiet day at home, I will take a few deep breaths, do some furious cleaning and trust that this too shall pass for him, and that he will come out a stronger little boy on the other end.